You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
