OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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