and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize