Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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