I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
