My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
