She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize