remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
