his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My dick has a subreddit
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
