hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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