and i looked up. we had an audience...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
