Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
