god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
