We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
