Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
