I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
