I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
