So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
