Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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