ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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