im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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