her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
