I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
this just has baby written all over it
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Mom said you looked used
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
