no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
