just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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