dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
