if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
