so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
her vagine was all disorganized.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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