my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
