im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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