I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
