WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Houston, we have a squirter
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
