one two three fourrrrnication!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
