i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
