You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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