Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
