She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
