You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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