Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
