My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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