i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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