I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
