Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I deserve this hangover.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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