after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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