Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
