My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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