help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
