I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
