She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
