i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
