apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
