Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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