drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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