so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
