Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize