I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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