yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My vagina just recognized that song.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
