My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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