i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
