dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
