When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
