i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
