Nicole vs. Life
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
